Frustration in the air

So i was working like crazy. Then Nate started getting sick. I was taking him to the doctor every other day for a respatory infection. Finally after a month the docter told me he had asthma. I was so upset.I wanted to tell the docter, well why did you take so long to diagnoss him? So the doc gave him a machine and two diferent medicines. He finally started gaetting better. I was so relieved. Then a couple of months later Andrew got ring worm. I didnt see it at first so it turned into a staff infection. Thank god he got better fast. I hated working late because i could hardly ever get a ride home. I would walk to daycare from work and then carry Nate and Push Andrew in the stroller all the way home. Man it was hard but i did it. It is so worth it in the end. Then i lost my job because i called i to many times because my kids got sick or because i was sick. Stupid people. But hey it was all good. I was able to spend more time with my kids. By that time Andrew was getting ready to start kindergarten. I was excited and worried at the same time. My baby was growing up. So he started school and he loved it. He had the best teacher in the world. She was so patient with him. He loved to talk and get all the attention. He used to be the first one done with all his work. He just breezed right through school. Then halfway through the school year cps was involved in my life. They are so damn stupid. I had a hard time keeping my house clean. I t was always a mess. But what they failed to understandis that i am a single mother with two children. I was trying to find a job while walking around town with my son at the time. Nobody wanted to hire me because i was applying for jobs while i had my son in my lap. It was very hard. Then i had a hard time keeping my house clean. arrg.So then i got kicked out of the apartment because it was dirty. The stupid manager was racist. I had nothing but problems with the apartment. The cabinet doors have fallen on my friend and then on my son. Then my ac went out and they couldnt fix it till the next day. Then the neighbor kids kept picking on my son and trying to beat him. The manager, nor the cops, or cps would do anything about it. It was so frustrating. The stupid kids broke my windows out and the manager tried to blame it on me. Stupid crackhead son of a gun.

reconnections

So i waited till i was at least two weeks because i still had sticthes. I decided that i was going to make surprise visit to my mom. I got to the door and was so nervous because i didnt know how she would react. I knocked on the door and my sister awnsered the door and told she had a surpise. I walked into her room and said hello. She was happy and surprised at the same time. I presented Nathaniel to her and she took him. She had a big smile on her face. She said he was big but not as big as Andrew. I told her he had blue eyes and she said really and was trying to get him to open his eyes. He did finally and she was really excited. I let her feed him and burp him. So we talked for awhile about how she was doing. My sister veronica was pregnant at the time and was getting pretty big herself. It was such a fun day. Then we got kicked out of the apartment we were living in because the owners were turning them into condos. I was so upset. So went into a shelter again. Then we got into place where i could pay weakly. but after a week i didnt have any more money because i had to buy things the boys what they needed. While i was there i met some people. They were looking to adopt because they couldnt have children. I was stuggling so bad that i didnt know what to do. I was thinking about giving the boys up for adoption. They wanted my baby, so i was going let them have them. After that they were going to move to California. I decided to go with them because i wanted get on my feet. So i moved to Cali. I got there and we got stranded. Then we met some supposed to be church people. I started having bad dreems about my baby boy. S i went and told them i wanted him back. They were not happy. So they moved on. Then her daughter who was pregnant at the time had a baby. She called to let me know she had the baby and that it was a girl. I was like ok. Well no later than a week later CPS showed up at my work asking to speek to me. I said ok. So we went and sat down and they told me that they had got a report that i had thrown my baby against the wall. I looked at them and said what wait a minute. I told them who in the hell told them that. I told them i could never anything like that. I love my boys and could never hurt them. They said ok. So they closed the case.

Nathaniels Birthday

So we fellout for awhile but i kept in touch with my sister so i knew what was going with my mom. Shortly after that i had went to do a test for the baby to make sure he was ok. The doc didnt like the results of the tests so she said go into the maternity ward so you can be induced. I was what wait a minute i am not due for another week or two. I was so scared. So i went back into the maternity ward and got changed and comfortable. Then i called my friend and she came running up to the hospital. The doc put some kind of tab on my cervix to get me started. SO we sat and waited for it to kick in. But it didnt work to well. so they gave me a dose of patossun. Wow that stuff worked good. But unfortunatly i didnt have him till the next night. Man i had such a hard labor with him. They had to put me on the epideral pump because i was in so mu ch pain. I was finally able to push him out. I was so happy. But boy he did a number on me to. Thank god though the doctor had some sense and cut me instead of letting me rip. I was not as sore as i was with Andrew. I actully healed pretty fast. MY baby boy was born with olve skin and blue eyes. about a week after i had got home I decided to make surprise visit to my mom. She was so surprised and happy. She held him and she fed him. She was suprised that he had blue eyes. She told me that he was so much lighter than Andrew was. That was the last time she ever got so see him because i moved. I felt so bad and still feel guilty about it. I am so sorry mom i hope she forgave me for i loved her so

Beginning of a family

I got home from the hospital and could hardly walk because of the stitches. I live in a group home for young single mothers. It was a horrible place for me and some of the other girls i know. They tried to cut us off from our families and friends. I was one of the only girls to open my mouth and stand up. But unfortunatly it got me in alot of trouble. I eas aloud to go to a family church picnic. My stepdad had dropped us off and then said was going to be on time to pich us up for curfew. I had brought a few of the other girls with me and man was it a mistake. My stepdad finally showed up and got us home really late. By the time we got there it was past curfew. We got called up to their quarters and asked why we were late. I told her why. She told me to go to my room and they would talk about what to do. I was so mad.at them. I just went off. I went on to tell one of the girls how they were trying to stop me from seeing my mom and my other family. They would have birthday parties for some of the ohter girls but not me. I felt hurt. After i went off one of the girls told on me because she wanted to stay and not get kicked out. So they kicked me out. Because we were not allowed to get a job, i didnt have any money. They would take most of my welfare check. I was kinda relieved and scared at the time because i didnt have any where to go. I finally got into one of the other shelters. It was a little better. They were renovating the place at the time so they had pulled my carpet up and gave me food with bugs in it. While i was there Andrew kept getting sick with respatory infections because there was no carpet. Not to mention we had roaches. I always had a hard time keeping the place clean. They would take most of my welfare check to supposedly save for when i get my own place. But i had a really hard time finding a job, because i had not graduated fom highschool and i just had a baby. So they let me go to. It was really hard. i stayed in several shelters after that . I had enrolled in a GED school for young mothers. I was almost done with my schooling when i had to stop. I got kicked out of another shelter and went to stay with a suposed to be friend. She ended up beating me up. Because she was pregnant i couldnt defend myself. So i left there and stayed with another friend that had the hots for me. I took care of his kids until i got a job working with my mom. So i started working and then my mom got her own place away from my step dad. They really didnt get along at all. She had asked me to come move in with her. At this time Andrew had just turned two. I was so mexcited. So i moved in with her, and kept working. It was really hard because i used to travel 2 hours by city bus just to get to work. It was really hard. I never really got used to it, I didnt like the job any way. All i ever did was sit there and call people for surveys. I always got bored really fast. But i worked with my mom till she went into the hospital. Before that, for my 21 birthday, she brought me a rose and a card. It made me feel so special. Well she eventually had to quit working by order of the doctor. She was not happy about it. So she started to stay at home. Iwould got to work and come home and take care of her and Andrew. I finally had to find another job becuase i couldnt keep taking 2 hour bus rides. I thought i had another job but just wasnt cut out for it. So i started looking for another one.Well at that time my mom had gotten better and started another job. She had a superviseer that had seen a picture of me and liked me. So she hooked us up. We started dating and then i got pregnant. He had asked me to marry him. I told him yes.He was supposed to transfer to a job i florida and had asked me to go with him. i said yes. My mom was so excited for me. Just as we were about to leave for florida the transfer didnt go through. So he had nowhere to go. So he moved in with me and my mom. He treated me good. Then all of a sudden he changed. He told me that his grandmother in Chicago was sick. He had to got there to take care of her and that he would be back. I was 4 months pregnant with my baby boy at the time so i couldnt get a job. S my mom got really upsetg and was ready to cut his balls off. He had bounced the rent check and almost got us kicked out of the apt.I was so hurt. i didnt know what to do. Istarted to get depressed and was thinking about giving up. My sister Veronica was there to stop me. I am so happy she was there when i needed her. I love her so much. Then me and my mom had a falling out because i wanted to visit some friends and she didnt want me to go. I went any way. She told me not to come back. so i didnt.We kinda fought for awhile. Then i heard she was in the hospital again and i went to visit her and she didnt want to see me. so i left.

Andrews Birthday

The day before Andrew was born i had decided to take a walk with some friends. They wanted to play softball. I told them i could hit it but couldnt run. They told me no you cant your pregnant. I told them watch me. So i grabbed the bat and got ready to hit. They threw the ball and i hit it. Well when i swung i felt a pain. But i diddnt think nothing of it because it went away. So some of the other girls played and then we went home.Well we got to the house where i was staying at the time and felt like i had to pee. So i go in the bathroom and my undies are wet. I go walking out and ask one of the girls, how do i hnow whether my water bag has a leak or it broke? they said if i was wet. I looked at them and said well i think it just did.They immediatly go into panic mode and call an ambulence. So i get to the hospital. The doc says that my water did break and that i was 2cm.I tell them i need to get a hold of my mom. She didnt have phone. So i called Maryanne Conti and she goes and picks my mom up. They are there within a matter of minutes. I was so happy to have her there. She never left my side.No matter how much i cried and hollered she told me i could do it. Then Andrew got stuck on my pelvis. Oh my goodness it hurt so bad. They had a fetal moniter on his head because his heart rate kept going up and down. They were preping to do emerency c-section and my said no, Ali do one more push.So pushed one more time and out he came. I felt so relieved. While they were stiching me up because i ripped, i passed out. I woke upi think a a day later and there she was with him in her arms. i was so happy. I was kinda scared to hold him at first. When i did, it felt so wonderful.After about a week i finally got to go home. It was hard at first to carry him but i got used to it. He ate so much when he was little. He had a hard time keeping milk down. I swicthed his milk three times. Finally i got the right one. She was there when i needed something for him. She was so proud to have grandbaby.

my first memorie as afamily

I remember when i got pregnant with older boy Andrew. I was really scared and surprised at the same time. The doc gave me my options and then i went to my place of residence and started to really think about it. At first i was gonna have an abortion. But as the days went by, it started to sink in. So started to think well maybe i should give it up for adoption. So i started the process for adoption and then changed my mind. All sorts of people had told me that i would make a horrible mother. Then as i was walking to the store my mother drove up. She said she had been looking for and that my stepdad wouldnt tell her where i was. So she came looking for me. Well she found me and i was scared stiff. The whole time i was thinking oh no what do i tell her. I finally told her and she was surprised and upset at first. But then she got excitd. She dropped me off and i went in. After i saw my mom, i really started to think. do i really want to give him up for adoption. I decided not do adoption and to keep him. So me and my mom started to talk names. She went on almost eevery doctor apointment. She was so excited when we found out it was a boy. She wanted to name him after my grandfather. I liked the name Andrew. So we named him Andrew Carl Muncy in memory of my Grandpa.